The Past is Present

Have you ever wanted to write, but didn’t know where to start? That’s where I am right now. Where to start? Some say “start at the beginning” but that is a bit harder for me. It’s really dark in the beginning. So maybe more freeform write what I am thinking about. Write what’s going on currently, and go back and forth between the past and the present. Then there is who will get pissed off because you have chosen to spill the beans about family history. Two of the people that will be in the written word have already passed from this world.  

Why do I want to write this? For me. To get some of the crap out of my head.  TO maybe get rid of some of the pain I feel. I feel scared a lot. I feel alone, a lot. It’s hard to deal with. 

If you have been abused you can understand the fear and anxiety in letting all the insanity that runs through your brain, out. I want it out. It causes me pain and anxiety every day. Dealing with flashbacks and nightmares is not fun.

The memories never leave me. The fear, even though my bio-dad is dead and my mom has passed on from this world, I still hear them in my head. I still shiver with fear after waking up from a nightmare. I will take meds daily to deal with my depression and anxiety. 

So why do I want to “air the family laundry” out? To stop a bit of the pain is all. Why should I have to live with all this in my head all the time? I don’t and hope to get to writing it all down. I will self-publish and if no one buys it? Who gives a f*ck.

That’s enough for now

Eyes Forward


Published by AlexxOphelia

Married spoonie Chronic pain 2 cats 1 puppy love crafting Pagan cancer survivor Liberal independent thinker writer-artist don't like it? Please go away. No patience for haters or bigots. Love my kids and grandkids. Prochoice. BLM. LGBTQ+ Ally

2 thoughts on “The Past is Present

  1. I totally understand. I once tried to start writing about how my life began, in so much fear then and I still have anxiety and get reactive about it. I haven’t figured out how to write it out yet either. I think you should just do what you need to do for you and hang whatever anyone else might say or do. You have to take care of you. I want to paint it out but haven’t figured out how so I concentrate on things that make me smile and be happy to paint for the most part. One day I will figure it out and so will you. Hugs! Love you!


  2. Love you cuz, I can’t say I know what you’re feeling but I can say that I personally hope that you’re writing this will help you out and, who cares if someone gets hurt or mad 😡 by what you say it’s about your life and however you want to deal with it and try to help yourself and others by talking about it . 💕


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