A year and a half ago, maybe two years ago, I was diagnosed with Parkinsons. At first I thought “no big deal”. Then shortly after I sank into a deep dark hole. Depression, and thoughts of ending one’s own existence MY EXISTENCE, were all I thought about. I didn’t want to get up, or move. I didn’t want to leave the house. I went nowhere. I hid from the world. I hid from myself. It got to the point that I couldn’t leave the upstairs. my world consisted of the bedroom and the bathroom.
I was afraid of everything. I hardly ate anything. I lost more weight. I never left the upstairs rooms. For nine months I caused anger and heartbreak for the love of my life, Bruce. I cried a lot. I stopped taking my meds. I wanted to not be a burden, but what I became was the burden I didn’t want to become.
I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I was in my mind facing a death sentence. Everything was dark. I wanted to scream and yell and and rant at the universe about how unfair it all is. I suppose if I believed in a “god” I would have screamed at “it”. But I find it hard to believe in something that is as hateful, and cruel as the “christian god” that so many believe in.
But finally, it came to me, I am too young to be thinking this way. Parkinsons is not a death sentence. I started out slowly, I went downstairs. I walked around the downstairs. Then I went out to the porch. I made a medical appointment with my primary. We started garage saling. I went to more appointments and more garage sales. We went out of town to see my stepson and two of three grandbabies, we celebrated the fourth of July and my birthday in Chicago and saw my stepdaughter, stepson, and all the grandbabies, plus my inlaws and some of their friends. It was a good weekend.
In August I went for my 5-year cancer screening and it was a good visit and was told I was cured. I did however have a second CAT scan for an anomaly on my carotid artery, but I was told that it was something to watch and they will redo the CAT scan in a year.
We also started trying to sell my Jewelry at the THIRD THURSDAY, and the Saturday FARMERS MARKET. We have been having a good time selling and visiting with neighbors that we don’t know yet. I think we are going to be out on the square this Saturday as well. I even scheduled a hair appointment for Saturday afternoon. and scheduled my PT appointments to work more on strengthening my legs and my core and improving my balance. The physical therapist says I need to use my mobility device whose name is Hannah, lol, on a regular basis to stay safe.
Every day I feel stronger and more confident. Everyday it’s better. Every day I find new ways to improve. I guess I’m searching for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I will keep working, keep improving. I’m ready to live, I am ready for our next adventure.
MORE LATER until then keep your EYES FORWARD
ALEXX
EYES FOREVER FORWARD 